Everyone wants to be desired, yet we often are confused on where to start. Should we wear push-up bras? Smile and laugh every time he speaks? Well, not exactly.

While desire is often initiated by looks, it can disappear as quickly as it came. Think of a time when you were attracted to someone, only to be turned off by their personality and energy soon after.

Desire is initiated by appearance, and sustained by personality.

I want you to not only grab attention with your looks, but encourage it with your energy. You’ll find that focusing on yourself and your pleasure is the key to being desired.

So how can you attract authentic desire from those around you? Below are the 5 ways.

1. Conviction

One thing all desirable people all have in common is conviction. Someone who changes their opinions and behavior whenever it’s convenient will never be respected or wanted authentically. You know what’s attractive? Not being afraid to be disliked. Not being afraid to ruffle feathers when you need to.

This isn’t to say you should assert your opinions whenever possible. In fact, this is an unattractive quality (see number 2). Instead, you should have a strong sense of what you believe in. Not only this, you also shouldn’t shy away from expressing it when you need to.

For example, let’s say you’re with a group of women who are gossiping about men. They’re giving illicit details regarding their sex life, and they ask you about your sex life. You would rather keep it private, yet you know you could connect with them by sharing. Do you engage with them, and go against what you stand for? Not if you have conviction 😉

It can feel scary to assert yourself at first, because we want to please other people and be accepted by them. But because you have conviction, being liked is not your #1 priority. Your #1 priority is being authentic to yourself, and making sure that throughout your life you make decisions that align with that.

You will not only gain respect from others, but you will gain respect for yourself.

This makes your value increase in other people’s eyes because they know you are not easily swayed and convinced. It’s incredibly attractive to be around someone who knows their mind.

You must know your values, likes, dislikes, and boundaries; and never compromise them.

2. Mystery

A woman who does not reveal every detail about herself when given the opportunity creates intrigue.

You do not need to express your personal experiences, how you feel and what you think regarding every topic that comes up, because you have nothing to prove. Talking constantly, over-explaining and reacting to everything around you cheapens your words and lowers your value.

Your words should be expensive. Understand that it is a privilege for someone to get to know you and have your attention, because you do not give it freely.

Do not take every opportunity you can to talk about yourself. Give simple answers, let people wonder and they’ll not only be compelled to understand you and ask about you, they’ll be fascinated by you. Your life, however exciting or boring, becomes an object of secret and you in turn are enigmatic and mystifying.

This does not mean you should be closed off, aloof and avoidant. Doing this is not attractive (see number 3).

Instead, become fascinated by others and learn about them, relate to them and express yourself when it feels right, but do not constantly give out information they did not ask for (even if they do)!

When talking with others, it should be more important for you to understand them than for them to understand you. The mystery comes naturally, and you still are connecting with others in the process.

And keep in mind that everything is better in moderation. It will feel unnatural to be making a conscious effort to seem mysterious and secretive. A man will not truly desire you if he knows nothing about you, so give him tidbits and allow him the privilege of knowing more if he continues to earn it.

3. Open Heart

This is SO important. When women try too hard to play it cool, assert their convictions and seem mysterious, they can abandon their feminine essence in the process. Remember, everything in moderation.

Vulnerability is attractive, and it is one of the keys to having a man’s heart.

As women in a masculine world, we are praised and impressive to others when we show intelligence, work ethic and perseverance. When we ignore our feelings and embody a “boss bitch”.

There’s nothing wrong with this, necessarily. There is something wrong when we combat our feminine nature and refuse to acknowledge it.

Women are easily and often taught to operate in defense mode, shielding their hearts and having their guard up around people, men especially.

This can be because of personal experiences, stories told by other women, society’s grooming or trauma you may have gone through.

We assume negative intent when interacting with men. We think all men are out to get us. We look away when we make eye contact for fear of initiating something unwanted. Most women operate in this state of mind, and it is tragic. Why? Because most men are good men. They do not want to hurt you or take advantage of you.

Whatever may have happened to you that influenced your perception of men does not need to control you any longer.

It is so important to have an open heart and mind, especially in today’s world.

A visualization exercise to help you open your heart:

Visualize your heart, with all of the armor you’ve placed around it.

You’ve placed it there because you wanted to protect yourself, and you had good reason to. But now, you understand that hiding and shielding yourself like this doesn’t serve you anymore. The time has come for you to shine, to open yourself up to connection and magic. You deserve this. Say it aloud!

Peel off the layers of armor, one by one, until your heart is not hidden anymore.

This doesn’t mean you can’t protect yourself from undesirable energies, it means you are now ready to receive desirable ones.

4. Playfulness

Have you ever been around someone who could transform the most boring activity into something fun? These kinds of people can change the energy in the room and are a breath of fresh air to those around them. Be that person.

It’s important to remember that men love women who tease.

Don’t be afraid to challenge them a little and have fun with them, because not only does it show them you’re having fun with yourself, it makes them want to prove themselves to you.

You aren’t teasing them to get a certain outcome or response, you’re teasing them because it pleases you.

Think of your pleasure and no one else’s. This is a common theme throughout my blog because it is one of the most important factors when manifesting. You are not doing this for the pleasure of men or other people, you are doing all of this for you. So you can attract and receive everything that you desire.

So find the silliness in things and have fun. You can change the entire vibe around you, whether you’re at work, on a date or by yourself. Your playfulness will infect other people and make them feel happy in your presence.

A woman who is overly concerned, serious and dutiful will appear masculine to men and will be much less attractive than a woman who is carefree, playful and even a bit “lost in the clouds”.

Even if you tend to be serious, engage in things that make you feel positive, silly and happy. This could be music, dancing or simply finding something that makes you laugh.

I don’t encourage you to play dumb or act a certain way to get attention; this is obvious to men. Instead, I encourage you to let your inner girl out more often, listen to her and embrace her.

5. Be at Peace with Yourself

Ground your energy and do not allow it to be easily disrupted! Not by outside influences, and not by your own thoughts.

Men can tell when a woman is at war with herself. Not only does it show up in her energy, it shows up in her interactions. The worse you think of yourself, the worse kind of men you’ll attract. You want to be desirable to the right men, not any and all of them.

If you want a high value man, be a high value woman.

When you don’t love yourself, the men you attract won’t either. Remember that your opinion of yourself is more important than anyone else’s.

Self love is an ongoing journey where you will be tested and challenged. Learn to come out on top each time. Make decisions that you’re proud of, respect yourself, forgive yourself and discipline your negative thoughts.

Be your own ally and trust yourself. The rest will come.

These 6 tips helped me tremendously in my love life, and I know they can help you just as much.

xo, Aria