Going through a breakup can be painful and emotionally chaotic. There can be days when you feel okay, days when you feel great and days where you don’t even want to get out of bed. And all of it is normal. It takes time to heal and move on from someone you love.

But what if you still want him? Is there a chance that you can start again? Definitely. If you start to embrace the tips I share below, I guarantee that you can begin to heal and attract him back into your life- but once you do, you may find that you don’t even want him anymore.

This article is all about how to get him back after a breakup.

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Give Him The Breakup

 

If he’s the one who ended things with you, this is one of the most important steps to follow. When something happens that feels out of your control, you may start fighting to get that control back. This is one of the worst things you can do for you and your relationship, and here’s why.

 

Respect His Decision

 

People want their decisions to be respected. If he’s ended things with you, you must respect him by accepting his decision. A huge factor in why men leave a relationship is because they felt disrespected, emasculated or controlled by you in some way. So one of the biggest things you can do is accept and respect his decision.

If someone has decided that they don’t like strawberries, and you say “no eat it, it’s really yummy” and try to shove it into their mouth, are they going to want it more? No. This basic psychology rule means they’re going to avoid strawberries even more. It doesn’t matter how wonderful the strawberry is, you can’t force someone to like it.

However, if they aren’t sure they’re ever going to have access to strawberries again, well they might think twice about it, right?

Sometimes people need a big dose of what they think they want. By accepting that he wants this breakup, not only are you respecting him, but you’re completely removing the access he has to you. All of a sudden you’ve disappeared and he no longer gets to have you. Which is what he said he wanted, right? So give it to him.

 

Don’t Reach Out – Give Him the Space He Needs

 

You might think that if you don’t reach out to him and convince him to be with you, he’ll move on even quicker; this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

The more you insert yourself into his life after a breakup, the faster he runs away. 

If you want him to move towards you again, you must give him the space to do so. He can’t come back to you if he’s running away from you. Don’t give him a reason to run. This means no begging, pleading, convincing, calling, texting or anything in between.

Respect his decision and walk in the other direction. Give you, him and your relationship space and time to heal. Release control.

 

bonus tips:

• if he reaches out to you, don’t ignore him
• when he reaches out, avoid expressing negative emotions. remain warm and polite
• don’t stalk his socials! or him please

 

 

Heal Yourself

 

I know the phrase “focus on you” is the most generic breakup advice ever. It’s also the most powerful thing you can do for yourself and for re-attracting your ex, and here’s why.

You can use the time after your breakup to either heal and make progress, or to be resentful and do nothing.

Healing looks different for everyone, but these are the things I believe have a great positive impact:

 

Feel Everything

 

Allow yourself to mourn the loss of this relationship. Journal, cry, revisit memories, scream into a pillow if you need to. It’s okay to get messy. The pain can only be released if you let it come up to the surface, in all of its intensity.

A lot of the times with breakups we’re encouraged to hold our heads’ high and keep it moving, but that doesn’t always work so well. Sometimes when you ignore your pain that only prevents it from leaving.

The more you let yourself feel your emotions they more you’re able to release them.

 

Create

 

Instead of just sitting with the loss of your relationship, and dwelling in that old energy, start to incorporate new hobbies and activities. Bring some new energy into your life. Why do you think so many women dye their hair or change up their appearance after a breakup?

This could look like journaling, morning yoga classes, a new book, cooking more, meeting new people, taking a trip (and yes an appearance change like a new hairstyle or clothes).

Stop trying to prove to yourself that life isn’t as good without your ex and instead prove to yourself that it can be!

Sometimes we want to hold onto our pain because we’re afraid of what life would feel like without it. Feel the negative emotions, but don’t hold them in- they want to be released and alchemized into something new and positive!

 

Think of Him Positively and Bring Balance In

 

In a recent article I talk about the law of free will in relationships- why it’s important to let people be and do what they want, and how attractive this makes you. Along with releasing control, it’s important to avoid focusing on the negative things about your ex, especially if you’d like to reconnect with him at some point.

 

List 3 Things You Admire about Your Ex

 

Make a list of 3 things that you admire about your ex.

Then, ask yourself:

Do I embody these qualities within myself? And if I don’t, would I feel more balanced if I did?

A lot of the time the qualities that we are obsessed with or admire in other people are actually the qualities we are lacking within ourselves.

 

Consider What You’d Do Differently

 

This is a very powerful writing prompt exercise.

Assuming that your relationship was mostly a good one, and not one marked by abuse or cheating (if it was, I’m not going to recommend getting back together with them), it’s important to ask yourself what you would do differently in this new relationship

This is not meant to be an exercise where you give yourself a hard time and feel guilty- this is an exercise that encourages you to identify how you contributed to the breakup and which parts of yourself need healing.

Take away the focus from the things he did wrong and how he should fix it- no matter how spot on you are- the key is to focus on yourself. This process will make you feel more prepared to reconnect with your ex and potentially build a better relationship than the one you had before.

Writing prompt: If you could start over with him, is there anything you would do differently, whether for yourself or for him?

Write down all of what comes to mind. And when you’re done, ask yourself again: Which of these things can I embody now?

This will really open the door for you in terms of progress and healing.

 

My One of a Kind E-book: How to Seduce Men with Your Energy

Related Article: How to Have Sexy Energy in a Relationship

 

Summary:

 

Healing is an ongoing journey that doesn’t always bring us exactly what we want overnight. There’s a chance that you won’t reunite with your ex. But by implementing these things I truly believe that you’re setting yourself for the best possible reunion. And if not a reunion with your ex, then a reunion with yourself.

By giving your ex the space and respect they need, focusing on yourself and doing the inner work, not only are you demonstrating that you can realign with your ex, but you are demonstrating dedication to an alignment with yourself.

You may find that after doing the inner work, this person is not what your heart really wants anyway- but it will be coming from a place of love and clarity.

xx