Attraction may be initiated by looks, but it’s sustained by personality and energy. Energy plays a huge role in every relationship we have, and in this article I’m going to show you how to increase your energetic attraction so you can feel more harmony and polarity in your relationship.

1. Honor Free Will and Allow What Is

We tend to expect things of people, especially when we care about them. Whether it’s a certain word, a certain pair of shoes or a certain amount of attention- when we want something from them, we’d like them to give it to us. And fair enough. Yet, no one is obligated to give anything to you. Not your boyfriend, your mother, or your mailman. No one owes you anything, because everyone has free will.

What’s extremely attractive in a relationship is allowing them to do whatever they want. Because if someone doesn’t behave the way you want, an attractive person (hopefully you) knows that A: nothing is personal and B: this person is not the only way in which you can receive what you want.

Trying to convince or demand someone to do something is extremely repelling, because it’s like saying “I need you to do this for me because you’re the only way I can/want to receive this.“ Ew! Talk about having no options. It’s better to embody this energy:

“This is what I desire, this is what feels good to me, if you can match it, great, and if not, that’s okay. Do as you please. It will find me regardless.”

You are energetically communicating to them that you’ll be okay no matter what they do, because you trust in your abundance. In the same breath, you are honoring their free will. You are giving respect and trust not only to them, but yourself. This lifts both of you up.

Embodying this energy dissolves the neediness and forcefulness you might feel in your relationship. An attractive person knows they don’t need to force anything in order to get what they want. You must allow the free will of all other beings and separate yourself from a scarcity mindset. Your desires and needs will get met one way or the other, maybe from the person you’re with, and maybe not. Be open and trusting of all the ways in which you can receive.

2. Appreciate and Amplify What Feels Good to You

It’s part of human nature to give our negative experiences more attention than our positive experiences. This is so we can better protect ourselves from it in the future. However, in relationships, this can work against us.

If you are focused on all of the things that have gone wrong in your relationship, or that might go wrong, that energy will be felt by the both of you. In fact, by dwelling on the negatives, you are increasing the likelihood of them happening, simply because that is the frequency you’re on.

see my article on what to do when you’re overthinking in a relationship

Instead, start to notice the little things that your partner does that you may overlook sometimes. Remember that while it might sting, no one owes you anything. Your partner doesn’t have to open the door for you, pay for your meals or even put on a clean shirt. They don’t even have to brush their teeth if they don’t want to! But we appreciate that they do those things, right?

What are some of the things they do that you have taken for granted?

Can you start expressing appreciation for those things?

Expressing your appreciation of them more often will inspire both of you to feel more connected and positive together. And because of the appreciation you’re showing them, they’re going to feel inspired to do more of the things you appreciate. I wouldn’t suggest bombarding them with compliments that aren’t genuine. Don’t do this to get a specific result or outcome, because that’s manipulation. Make sure that your appreciation is genuine and meaningful.

3. Stop Monitoring Their Presence So Much

When you’re connected to someone, you’re naturally more aware of their presence. Because of this awareness, you’re probably going to think of them often and send a lot of your energy to them; similarly, you’re aware of the energy they are sending you.

In general, women tend to notice the people and energy around them better than men do. AKA we can feel when someone is looking at us and thinking about us.

So, women can have a hyper-awareness when it comes to the energy being sent to them. In a relationship, there is such a thing as too much awareness. For example:

Your boyfriend has gone out of town, and you find yourself thinking of him, missing him, maybe even worrying about him. Basically, when your boyfriend isn’t around, you’re still monitoring his presence. By monitoring his presence, you send your energy to him. Sometimes we do this almost subconsciously to make up for the distance we feel. Do you want to know what this hyper-awareness does?

It creates a feeling of togetherness where there should be a feeling of absence. I wouldn’t be surprised if the boyfriend in this example stopped craving you and missing you as much, because, to put it simply: you’re with him all the time. He needs space. You need to peel your energy off of him and let him come to you.

Realize that your absence is a good thing, because it gives them space to move towards you. You have to let them miss you.

So focus on you, get a little selfish sometimes. Let them do their thing and don’t obsess about what they’re up to when they’re not around you. Be in your own frame.

If you really struggle with this, find ways to relieve your anxiety and call your energy back to you. I’d recommend looking into signs of anxious attachment styles, journaling, meditating, and doing the inner work you need to. Because you deserve to feel present and grounded in your relationship.

Just as it’s important to give each other physical space, it’s important to give each other energetic space. This means that whether he’s across the country or at the store down the street, you have to let him feel not only your physical absence, but your energetic absence. This creates a desirable polarity and increases the attraction between you two.

By honoring their free will, expressing your appreciation and giving them energetic space, you can shift negative energy dynamics in your current relationship or encourage a new one to flourish. Understanding the value of these things and embodying them in our relationships will do wonders for the energetic attraction and connection between two people. Ultimately, it’s about accepting and allowing someone to be who they are, without wanting to change them.

Hope you enjoyed xx aria