Inconsistency is one of the most frustrating things about dating today. Late replies, getting ghosted, texting and never meeting – these are only a few of the peeves women have when it comes to dating men. Below are some tips to understand why inconsistency happens with men and what you can do about it.

Men Don’t Play Hard to Get

This is an essential thing to understand about men- they don’t play hard to get.

They aren’t being inconsistent because they’re scared of their feelings, or because they’re too busy. 

Men do what they want, and if a man wants you, you’ll see that through his actions.

You can make all the excuses you want for him and explain things away in your head, but it doesn’t change what’s happening.

Often when we care about a man, his inconsistency makes us feel needy and anxious. In turn, we give him more consistency. We reach out more, respond faster, become more available to him. A lot of times this is a fear based reaction. You are afraid to lose him so you try even harder.

Trying harder for his attention won’t work. Neither will making choices based on fear and insecurity.

Questions you may want to ask yourself: 

How often are my choices based on my fears? 

What would it look like if I made choices out of love instead? What would it feel like?

Mirror his Energy

Are you giving him more energy and time than he’s giving you?

When a guy is not showing up the way you want him to, it’s time to pull back your energy and focus on you. Instead of trying to figure it out and fix it, pull back.

This may seem manipulative but it doesn’t have to be; simply stop paying him as much mind and do your own thing. 

This is easier said than done, but you can do it. Open your energy up to other men, hangout with your friends, write, paint, laugh. Basically, prioritize your well being. Ask yourself, “What can I do to love myself the most today?”

All of the energy you’ve sent out to this person is starving you because it doesn’t belong to them, so of course you feel off. 

You’re feeding them instead of yourself, and it’s your fault.

When someone is inconsistent with you, you should never reward them with consistency. This is what I mean when I say mirror his energy.

You want to avoid being the one who is keeping the relationship alive. 

He takes two days to respond? Respond in two days, or ignore him altogether. Allow yourself to forget about someone who isn’t putting in effort; it should be unattractive to you. 

Stop putting your eggs in one basket, it’s not that serious.

Speak up for what you want

This is the most important step. While the previous steps may help you preserve your own energy, they won’t help you truly get what you want.

A lot of women today have trouble speaking their boundaries to men. Most of the time this comes from the fear of walking away, or the fear of rejection.

If you put a boundary in place that the man doesn’t agree with, he may leave. And that’s scary for a lot of women; but it shouldn’t be. 

When you assert a boundary to someone there’s always a chance they will not respect it or agree with it. If they leave, that’s just you weeding out the people who aren’t meant for you. That’s good. 

Would you rather have no boundaries and tons of men wasting your time? Or firm boundaries where the ones who really want you and respect you are the ones who get to stay?

If a guy is being inconsistent with you and you feel exhausted or strung along or like it may be a waste of time, here is a good script to use:

“It’s felt really good getting to know you, but I’m looking for a guy who reaches out consistently and plans dates. What do you think about that?”

This is perfect to say because it’s not accusatory or negative. You’re being warm while still letting him know what you want and expect. 

You also have to accept that he may not want the same thing you do. He may end things when you express a boundary. Good! Now you know, instead of wondering about it for longer than you needed to.

The right men are drawn to women who have boundaries and know what they do and don’t want. It’s very attractive when you aren’t afraid to walk away from a man. Keep in mind that you can walk away from someone without ending the relationship or causing drama. It shows self respect and independence.

A person being inconsistent has nothing to do with who you are or what you deserve. No one’s behavior is any indicator of your value. However, the behavior you accept from other people is within your control and does show the world what you think your value is.