How many times have you seen guys chase a “mean girl”? You may be left wondering, “what do all these guys even see in her?” You’re loyal, caring, attentive, drama-free. You’re the better option, right?

The truth is, to some men, you aren’t.

Why? Because high standards create desire. And rejection breeds obsession.

If there is a man who has the approval of 10 women but the disapproval of 1, who do you think will be on his mind?

Fair or not, this is basic psychology. By learning about the mean girl and her effect on men, we can decide what works for us and what doesn’t (there are many situations where a mean girl approach will set you back).

When I say mean girl, think Regina George (or a Regina George type). She doesn’t really have all of the successful qualities I’m going to mention, but she represents them in some way.

Below we’re going to go over the psychology behind mean girls, their effect on men and how you can use this to your advantage (without actually being a mean girl).

 

 

She has high standards

 

Women who are unimpressed and even disinterested in men tend to get the most attention. A woman like this doesn’t care much about validating men. She isn’t attentive to his needs and doesn’t humor his silly questions. In turn, the man values her approval and prioritizes it.

I don’t encourage you to be a mean girl. I encourage you to place high standards on who you give your time, energy and body to.

By giving to a man who has done nothing to earn it (be it time, a gift, a sexual favor) in turn you may think this will make him value you. He will value you less.

This is where mean girls succeed. They may tease him or talk to him when they’re bored, but even then this is only in tidbits. A man would have to do something pretty extraordinary to gain her true attention and approval.

In turn, he’s obsessed. He develops a strong desire for something because it feels unnattainable, just out of reach. He thinks of her often and consciously or not, he wants to prove himself to her and gain her affection.

Knowing this, you can use it to your advantage.

Prioritize your time. Understand that it’s a privilege for someone to have access to you. Never the other way around. This is the first step in confidence and attractive energy, and will set the standard not only for you but the men you attract.

So accept compliments and attention with warmth (as long as it’s respectful), but don’t feel obligated to reciprocate or give in return. And certainly don’t seek out approval.

Once you understand this, you are no longer “acting” disinterested. Your standards are so genuinely high that you are no longer humored or overly flattered by low forms of effort and attention. You will reject men’s offers if they do not align with who you want to be, and you’ll have to get used to doing so.

Once you discover the feminine power and potential you hold, you may very well realize that most men are in fact wasting your time. You should only have room in your life for the one’s who aren’t.

 

She has other men

 

Men are not all special to a mean girl. She has an overabundance of options and is used to getting attention. She is not needy.

Develop this mindset.

Behave in a way that suggests you are used to surplus attention (even if you aren’t). It’s not rare or special for you to receive time and effort from men, and it certainly isn’t charity.

You must think and more importantly, act, as the woman you want to be. This is the key to all manifestations. Visualize what you want. What does it feel like to have it?

For example:

You want more men to notice you, pursue you and value you? You should stop wanting, wishing and needing.

You don’t have to be a picture perfect beauty queen to attract the kind of attention and relationship you want. You just have to start acting like you’re the shit and people will start to believe you.

So start feeling the outcome you desire. Feel the warmth and joy of being valued and wanted, because it is happening for you as you read this. Never come from a place of lack and “without”, but instead, abundance and potential.

You must think and operate as the woman you want to be, because she’s your destiny.

So don’t ever question why someone’s interested in you. Don’t ever speak down about yourself. Your thoughts and feelings are immensely powerful in creating your reality.

See my article on how to make him more attracted to your energy

 

She calls people out

 

A mean girl rarely lets people get away with disrespect. She has boundaries and isn’t afraid to stand up for herself when she’s being blatantly disrespected.

By letting people walk all over you and disrespect you, you’re showing them that you agree with them. You are agreeing that you should, in fact, be disrespected and treated this way.

Your value becomes whatever others think it should be, because you haven’t created boundaries or given priority to yourself.

Others will be able to see this right away. Most will take advantage of this and/or lose respect for you.

If you accept and encourage low quality treatment from men and other women, you are the problem. You must know when to stand up for yourself or walk away.

This is where mean girls are respected and even feared. They know their worth (or act like they do) and don’t tolerate rudeness.

The more you say yes to others when it doesn’t feel right, the more you are saying no to yourself. You’ll rarely see the mean girl letting people walk all over her and staying quiet when someone disrespects her. Your silence can just as easily be a healthy response as it can be self betrayal. Don’t be afraid to let people know when they’ve crossed a line.

Your approval is important. Your time is important. Your experience is important. So start acting like it.

 

 

What the mean girl gets wrong

Mean girls do some things right (as we’ve seen) but many things wrong.

Mean girls are aggressors. Often they go out of their way to create conflict and drama, thriving on chaos and attention. This isn’t a healthy way to live, and certainly doesn’t get them real success with men.

She can act with falseness and make decisions that are misaligned with her true self. This may be to get attention and spark reactions.

She can try to control others and think everyone is her pawn.

She can easily confuse high standards with rudeness and disrespect, which is never attractive.

Mean girls also tend to have low self esteem in all actuality, because they’ve placed most of their self worth on the approval of others even by acting in a way that would suggest otherwise.

 

Summary:

 

By learning about the mean girl’s success with men and cherry picking the successful techniques she uses, we can implement these into our daily lives without being mean.

This is done by:

1. Having high Standards
2. Not being needy
3. Not allowing disrespect

 

The beautiful thing about this is that you can have all of these qualities while still being completely authentic to yourself. I never encourage anyone to act in a way that doesn’t truly serve their highest self, and by having high standards, self sufficiency and respect, you are serving your highest self. This isn’t about playing games and manipulating situations for a desired outcome. It’s about becoming the woman you want to be and attracting any and all things that align with that.

xo, Aria

 

Related Article: What is the Difference Between Light and Dark Feminine Energy?